Raising children in 2023

*The following is a generalisation, requiring some adaptation and nuance depending on the child’s neuro-bio-physiology and the context.
*Awareness of others and your effects on others. Begin this training at the walking stage of development and keep it going until well into the teen years when they move out.
*Leave everything as you found it at minimum, or better. Because generosity is a superpower, if not naturally there, needs to be trained in as a habit.
*Learn to clean, cook, shop, pay bills (understand the economy of the home), iron, make a bed, clean the toilet, wash, mow. From a very early age. Home maintenance is for everyone, gender neutral. Parents who think their children are too young to understand these things discount their children’s capacity.
*Speak about money. (Heal your relationship to money as well) Educate for saving, investment, delayed gratification and reward. Keeping the house in good shape is either recorded by all members, parents included, as paid work, or is regarded as a collective gift to each other, and as such, does not garner pocket money. Unless we consider the caring economy, including domestic work, part of the economy for all, paying children to do it discounts the adults who do not get paid, perpetuating the cycle of cheap domestic labour.
*Honour and recognise value in multiple domains. Kindness, thoughtfulness, sharing, volunteering — name it, celebrate it, encourage it. Do not revert to a monetary reward every time for delightful behaviour. This debases human decency to money.
*Create clear and firmly-held boundaries. Be consistent in the maintenance of the boundaries. Weak boundaries erode respect.
*Be honest with your feelings, including your inadequacies, doubts and unknowings. Making it safe for children to speak of their doubts and insecurities happens because you lead.
*No matter the gender of your child, do your best to avoid any form of gender bias. In 2023 children of all genders can be strong and vulnerable, thoughtful and determined, lead and follow, climb trees and play with dolls.
*Crying, fear and expressing emotion indicate we are alive and human.
*Be the exemplar. When you fail at being the exemplar, speak honestly about your failure and what you have or are learning.
*Making mistakes is to be encouraged. Making the same mistake twice is foolish. Making the same mistake more than twice indicates you are on a path to self-destruct wilfully.
When we use the models for raising children in 2023 based on how we were raised, we become part of the problem.
Photo Taken June 13th 2014

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