Confronting our own violence

Many years ago I found myself as a single mother of a 3 year old child subject to two home invasions over a period of about 6 months. Someone came into our home in the night to steal while we were sleeping.

I determined that I was not going to be a victim if I came face to face with intent to harm me or my child.

I researched to find the best possible self defence instructor and purchased 8 private sessions.

My instructor to this day is deeply passionate about enabling people, especially children, the capacity to defend themselves against bullies and perpetrators. Too often we focus on the bully and not our own capacity to not be the victim.

Bill knew that when in times of danger we, the prey, needed to cross a threshold of our own capacity to harm if we wanted to not become a victim.

He pushed me so hard to cross that threshold. This threshold is often harder for women to cross given we are genetically and socially trained to nurture.

To not just hurt, but to maim and even, if needed, to kill. Maiming is necessary if we want to get away from the perpetrator. Soft harm will not work.

To confront our own capacity to harm, maim, and kill is essential if we want to find peace.

I have no doubt that if I was in a situation that might cause me, or my loved ones, or even strangers, harm, I would be capable of defence, defence that does real harm.

The precession of this ability to cross the threshold and the knowing I can defend myself is that bullies do not pick on me. They chose the defenceless.

We can all learn not to be victims. The path to this is to face our own violence and our fear of the violence that lives deep in our reptilian brain.

Photo taken March 17th 2022

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